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rules. games. refreshments anyone?

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Oct. 5th, 2004 | 11:54 pm

Dating is such a peculiar act. You meet someone, talk to them, figure out if there is chemistry.. similar interests... things like that. You size up your interest, decide what you want to do about it, and then see if they concur. All in all, it is an odd notion.

So, with being in the dating pool again, I have realized a few things. One, I am old-fashioned. I do the opening doors thing. The standing up when they come back or leave the table. The paying for the meal thing... etc etc. Apparently some of the things I do are not normal these days. Guys don't stand up when a girl gets up to use the bathroom, as an example. While I don't do it all the time, I try to make the extra effort. It is an old time respect thing.

I am old-fashioned when it comes to my mindset as well. I don't like dating around. I don't like having random sex. I like there to be feelings attached. I like to know the person. I like to feel like there is a future. Apparently, that is also not common.

I also came quickly to realize that I don't know the "rules" of dating anymore. What is okay, what isn't. When one is supposed to call, when one isn't. Things like that. The weird part, I think that in the end, I don't like rules. I don't propose anarchy for dating, but if I like someone, then I want to be able to call them the next day. If I want to hold hands with that person, and it seems right, then by all means I should be able to hold hands or hug or kiss (assuming they are willing). There are funny rules though. Like, you can't kiss on the first date. You can't have sex on the first date either. Which, hey, I am perfectly fine with... you know, because I would like to know the person. :) However, some of the other rules are silly. Like the 3 day rule. Screw 3 days. :)

I am a guy, and when I watch sappy romantic scenes in movies... I get all sappy as well. That's okay. I can admit it. At the end of the comedy American Pie 3, during the dance of the wedding, I could think nothing other than... "I wish I had someone to dance with like that. I want to make someone that happy." In Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I couldn't help but have renewed faith in things working out in the end. I couldn't help but wish that someone would take me with all my faults and still love me for who I am. That in the end, together we would work things out and that love would conquer all. Maybe it will.

We have to get over the first hump and find that special someone though. So, I vote that we stage a coup d'etat. No, not on the government.. on the rules of dating. Let's change the policy. Let's give each other a chance to find that sappy movie scene ending. Let's accept each other for our faults, for our differences. Let's treat each other with respect and love and let's not let anyone else tell us how we should do that.

So, guys if you want to, get the doors for ladies. Pull out their chairs. Buy them dinner. Stand up from the table when they get up to go to the bathroom. Listen to what they have to say, and actually be interested and talk back. Give them a hug or a kiss if it feels right, don't try to cop a feel. Tell them you are going to call them tomorrow, and then actually do it. Tell her what you think or how you feel, you don't have to be a manly man with no feelings... playing it "cool". Give her the chance to start fresh with you and feel okay doing so. She may let you stay around.

Ladies, if you can, give us guys a break. Don't punish us for all the past guys you dated. Don't measure us up and compare us to other prospects. Go with the flow, if you like us, let us know... it is okay to say what you think and how you feel. If you like us, re-arrange things and make time to see us again. I know we are all busy, but what in life is ever more important than love (or potential for it)? I know for the ladies you fend off guys' advances all the time. That you have to be picky and screen. Let your guard down though, there are good guys out there that are waiting to make you swoon.

Or, am I alone on this? I am taking the first step, you are welcome to follow.

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Comments {111}

Kerrie

(no subject)

from: thisipromiseu03
date: Oct. 6th, 2004 01:43 pm (UTC)
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I have to say that I very much agree with you. I guess I'm some what "old fashioned" as well. I'm lucky; my "boyfriend" does all that sweet stuff,too. (minus the standing up thing, that would get annoying after a while) Most guys really should ignore that stupid "rule" about waiting three days. If I went on a date with a guy and he didn't call me the next day, I'd think he wasn't interested and move on.

The guy I'm kinda-sorta seeing(a lot of feelings are there) has a very big problem with calling me back... I really hate that. (its a very long distance thing, so yeah...)

I'm beginning to think that it all depends on what part of the country (world) you're from. Like most men from the south are very gentlemen-like, most guys from the west coast wanna just date around, and so forth.

oh, and by the way... how've you been? I haven't spoke to you in forever. :)

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Oct. 6th, 2004 02:19 pm (UTC)
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well, i am in the midwest. not sure what we are here. somewhere in between i guess?

i've been okay. just working a lot and such.

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Kerrie

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from: thisipromiseu03
date: Oct. 7th, 2004 01:44 am (UTC)
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well, I'm from Kentucky, so there's no way that you're like the guys here if you're still doing all that stuff, so I dunno...

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Tim

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from: visions
date: Oct. 7th, 2004 01:57 am (UTC)
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kentucky is more southern though.

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