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Mar. 29th, 2001 | 02:54 pm

is it so bad that i want someone that is as considerate to me as i am to them? like, if i get gifts and do things out of the blue for my gf... is it wrong for me to hope that she would do the same thing? is it wrong for me to be sad when she doesnt? is it wrong for me to feel unappreciated when she doesnt think anything of the things that i do, and just accepts them as who i am.. just accepts the fact that i am sweet and considerate... and therefore normalizes that as my expected behavior?

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Comments {14}

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from: jibril
date: Mar. 29th, 2001 01:10 pm (UTC)
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well...its supposed to be a surprise right? i mean we should be giving without thinking of the receiving end. Like we dont give birthday gifts because we expect people to give us birthday gifts. u do things out of the kindness of your heart. Because YOU want too. Expectation is a tricky thing that u end up disappointed when ur expectations are too high and that person falls short of it. but thats usually unfair to that person. as for expected behavior...thats a possible outcome. i do understand tho that u feel unappreiated when your doing all the giving because it isnt right for someone to keep taking only either.

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Tim

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from: visions
date: Mar. 29th, 2001 01:15 pm (UTC)
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yeah... it is frustrating. regardless though, i dont have to worry about it at this point in time anymore. i broke up with her.

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dreamland

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from: dreamland
date: Mar. 30th, 2001 12:54 am (UTC)
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ya, and nikkie? *wags a finger at you* I'm telling you!!! NO B-DAY GIFTS!!!!!! ok? you're love is enough for me. ^_^

And it isn't really wrong to want/desire gifts back. Humans love that, to feel special, showered by sweet, little gifts given "just because." ^_^ But when you give a gift, like nix says, sometimes you can't expect too much back. It's your choice to be sweet and to give. But understand that humans are greedy so sometimes the receiving end will take... and take... and take and take and take. =( If you really are feeling unappreciated by a certain person, then you could stop giving. But it's how you view "giving." I give but don't expect in return. Knowing I gave and made someone smile is gift in return enough for me. ^_^

So nikkie!! NO GIFTS YOU HEAR!!!!! =)

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ruins

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from: littlemrsbatz
date: Mar. 29th, 2001 02:10 pm (UTC)
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She may not know exactly how to show her feelings. My husband was like that a long time ago (in a cesspool far away) and I used to feel like I was wasting my time by giving him art and poetry all the time....his case was simply that he wasn't sure what to do in return... and after enough trial and error he upgraded and now I'm spoiled rotten.

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Tim

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from: visions
date: Apr. 4th, 2001 09:43 pm (UTC)
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i thought about that... but frankly.. i wasnt happy, so to me there is very little reason to stay in a relationship when you are not happy and attempts to resolve the problem fail.

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ruins

Re:

from: littlemrsbatz
date: Apr. 5th, 2001 10:25 am (UTC)
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That makes sense. Good luck then looking for happiness. Its nice to see someone so assertive and determined.

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dreamland

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from: dreamland
date: Mar. 30th, 2001 08:41 am (UTC)
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oh, and just to let you know =) the purple/blue/yellow flowers you gave me November 18 sits on the left side of my desk in a vase. The box you gave me on January 11 sits on the right side of my desk. The cranes (and grasshopper) you made me on January 15 sit on top of that. Last but not least, the roses you sent me on February 14 (I dried them) are still beautifully placed in it's vase on the right next to the box. ^_^ And I love them all very much. Sometimes I think I may get a little too over protective of them... hehe. =)

*hugs you tightly* Go be yourself now. You're a beautiful person inside and out. ^_^ Love lots, Kats

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Apr. 4th, 2001 09:45 pm (UTC)
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im glad to hear that. i know you appreciated every single one of my gestures.

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(no subject)

from: girl7
date: Mar. 30th, 2001 01:16 pm (UTC)
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*holds you and doesn't let go*

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Thoughts....

from: audiehall
date: Apr. 4th, 2001 03:18 pm (UTC)
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It may be that she just doesn't think so much in terms of gift-giving. I read a book once that said there are five different "love languages" -- people either primarily communicate affection (giving and receiving) through:

1) gift giving (like you)
2) words of affirmation (always saying "I love you" and such
3) Quality time
4) Acts of service
5) Touch

Of course, it's not 100% fool proof, but when you start to think about the way relationships work in terms of these venues of communication, it really starts to make sense.

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Tim

Re: Thoughts....

from: visions
date: Apr. 4th, 2001 04:15 pm (UTC)
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i dont just do #1. I give gifts on occassion, always am very open about how i feel about the person, try to spend as much time with the person as i can, always get doors etc etc, help resolve problems that dont involve me (like between mutual friends), and i am a VERY cuddly person.

she... wasnt any of those... except possibly "quality time" and it seemed like i had to always ask her to come over or to spend time with me... she rarely initiated it.

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Re: Thoughts....

from: audiehall
date: Apr. 4th, 2001 05:33 pm (UTC)
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Sorry your love life is so complex! :-) But I guess all loves are. Are you still with this chick? Or are you thinking about chaging course with her? Maybe she's not what you need. (That sounds harsh) Ok I'll shut my fat trap because now I sound like some friggin' counselor!

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Tim

Re: Thoughts....

from: visions
date: Apr. 4th, 2001 09:27 pm (UTC)
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no, i broke up with her recently.

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Re: Thoughts....

from: audiehall
date: Apr. 5th, 2001 06:04 am (UTC)
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Sorry...that's the way of the world I guess! ;-)

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