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Mar. 23rd, 2001 | 06:34 pm

prelude: at 6pm i was supposed to be back from work and my gf and i were supposed to sit down and have a serious conversation.

paraphrased from today:
me [5:00 pm]: im back from work early
her [5:30 pm]: im going to eat dinner now, ill talk to you when i get back.
me [5:30 pm]: okay, ill talk to you then.
her [6:30 pm]: im back, but i am leaving to go to get groceries with my friends.
me [6:30 pm]: okay, forget the fact that i need to have a serious talk about us.
her [6:30 pm]: i know that we need to talk
her [6:30 pm]: i will come when i get back
me [6:30 pm]: dont bother
her [6:30 pm]: okay, then i am leaving... ill talk to you when you want to talk to me.
me [6:30 pm]: if ever. bye.

in other words, i think i have just chosen to be single again. i am tired of her casting our relationship aside, not being considerate, etc etc. fuck it. i deserve better.

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Comments {15}

Vortex

Well, I guess I should say...

from: vortex
date: Mar. 23rd, 2001 05:03 pm (UTC)
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I'm sorry for you but Happy?

I didn't realize you two were having difficulties...

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dreamland

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from: dreamland
date: Mar. 23rd, 2001 06:02 pm (UTC)
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*just gives you all the hugs in the world*

ya, she sounds like she's avoiding it "i'll talk to you when you want to talk to me"... but the entire thing seems the other way around. SHE seems to be avoiding wanting to talk to you about this... ahh... it's just a more touchy subject. I still think you two should have a talk... when she gets back...

And whatever decision you choose in the end, I know it'll be what's best for the two of you. *hugs you* I'm also glad you know your self-worth. ^_^

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Tim

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from: visions
date: Mar. 23rd, 2001 06:24 pm (UTC)
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her basic reply to what i had to say..

"im sorry that you think i am treating you badly, i am working on it.. but i guess we shouldnt be together because it is who i am. hopefully sometime when we have both accepted that we can talk about it until then, I am going to go. have a good evening"

my reply...

"walk away... once again. thats real mature. you dont seem to have the decency to sit down and talk about our problems. notice that i say, OUR problems, not your problems. i dont mean anything to you though, so you just keep walking away and if "who you are" is an inconsiderate, immature woman that pushes people away, doesnt talk about her feelings, changes er behavior towards someone that she says she cares about because of her friends saying something.. then you are right.. we shouldnt be together. i told you long ago that there are things that i value in a relationship: honesty, expecting the same as you are willing to give, and communication. you havent been open and honest. you are expecting more than you are willing to give (both on the communication level and other areas as well) and you are not communicating with me. you dont even care to put in the time to fix that or even address it and now you sit there and say nothing. great!"

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(no subject)

from: jibril
date: Mar. 23rd, 2001 06:40 pm (UTC)
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I think...maybe shes just not sure about how to deal with this situation...so she is perhaps following what her friends are telling her. She's is probably at the maturity level as you are at. People just mature at different rates because their lives are different. Yes this is frustrating, but its just the way things are. maybe it is hard for her to be open with you...how well do you two know each other anyways right? I guess im saying is that being open does take time...honest and communication is something both ppl should work at...and yes it is a problem since she isnt responsive to that. but I guess...its really that if you dont see your relationship with her worth the time and eforrt, then do what you must.

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(no subject)

from: jibril
date: Mar. 23rd, 2001 06:41 pm (UTC)
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oops I mean, NOT at the maturity level u are at

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Mar. 23rd, 2001 07:21 pm (UTC)
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perhaps

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dreamland

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from: dreamland
date: Mar. 23rd, 2001 10:35 pm (UTC)
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hrmm... she wants you to just accept her for who she is. "because it is who I am... when we have both accepted that..." You want her at a higher maturity level, I can see that. But she isn't at one, and she's given up trying to be at what you want her (or the girl you date) to be at... that's what I think she meant by that. It was very immature of her to walk away like that, but just like she said "I am working on it."

I guess the question is... did you become her bf because you wanted a gf? You needed a person there and she was "comforting"? Or do you very much so like the person she IS and wanted to be with her because of who SHE ALREADY IS and what you SEE in the ALREADY EXISTING her. There are so many things where you are definitely way more experienced than her at, but you can't just up and change her to match all the experiences you've been through. You should be with a person because you like HER for who she already is as a person. Not because you think she'd make good girlfriend material and are trying to change her to suit your own "girlfriend" needs. So if she's not the right person, it's good to move on and find what it is you want, sweety. Find what it is you're looking for in a girl that already IS. =)

I think she has been honest with you. She's confused. She has lied to you about anything... but maybe ya, she isn't completely communicating with you.

*hugs you* No, I'm not speaking against you or anything. I know you were reading all I wrote getting really defensive Tim style. =P But all I'm saying is to see and think about what the relationship of "Tim and Carrie" meant to you in the first place, from the start. =) *hugs you* And I'm always here for you. I am always on your side; I support you completely. I merely brought up points to maybe help you understand the entire situation better... but I can't fully judge this either because I don't know Carrie and I don't know the entire situation except for what you have told me thus far.

*bunches of hugs and kisses* Be good to yourself. When you fall, I will give you my strength to stand again. Kathy is always loving you. Remember that.

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(no subject)

from: caroline17
date: Mar. 23rd, 2001 10:22 pm (UTC)
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from what she's said, you just seem to be different people. she isn't prioritizing you, nor is she taking the relationship as seriously as you are, but it's not like she's walking away from the problem although you're not wrong to feel that way. to her, the problem is unsolvable. she's who she is - she isn't going to change because i guess she likes who she is. i know that i sure as hell wouldn't change myself unless it was for my own good. but is the problem who she is, or is it something else that hasn't been mentioned yet?
anyways, you did the right thing by ending it. you deserve someone that you can really get along with without having to try really hard. there are billions of people you haven't even met yet (i'm sure you know that - you're a smart cookie) :)

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(no subject)

from: jibril
date: Mar. 23rd, 2001 10:27 pm (UTC)
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*grins* oh wise caroline....

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dreamland

(no subject)

from: dreamland
date: Mar. 23rd, 2001 10:43 pm (UTC)
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GROUP HUG!!

*GRABS TIM, NIKKIE, and CAROLINE AND SQUEEZES US ALL, MASHING ALL OUR HEARTS AND SPIRITS TOGETHER INTO ONE TIGHT BOND* This is the life! ^_^ This is what true friends are all about! hehe. Your right dear darling Caro. I was only graced with your presence for a weekend and I already dubbed you one of the coolest ppl to hang with. Oh ya, baby! Stay your cute self... and I think your short hair is really cute! ^_^ Tim, we all love you. We'll never back down. You control your right hand, we control your left. And Nikkie is there to make me smile everyday. What a great roommate I have, huh? ^_^ Friendship and love. I always love how through thick and thin, no matter how hard we find certain situations we're dealing with at the present time... you can always count on those true friends that help you to understand yourself better... help you to realize that indeed love makes the world go round.

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Mar. 23rd, 2001 11:21 pm (UTC)
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good thing i masturbate with my right hand then...

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dreamland

(no subject)

from: dreamland
date: Mar. 23rd, 2001 11:35 pm (UTC)
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lol.... umm... ya. good thing... *grins* ^_^ man enough to admit that too! *pats you on the back* Tim rules. =)

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(no subject)

from: caroline17
date: Mar. 24th, 2001 12:38 am (UTC)
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i should seriously get paid for doing this all the time :) naw, i like helping people. i just have the ability to remain objective and i think that's what makes me (relatively) good at understanding and helping.

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(no subject)

from: lecriswe
date: Mar. 24th, 2001 10:20 am (UTC)
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I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out. You're a very sweet person and good things come to those who wait. I'm waiting... want to wait with me? *HUG*

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from: jemmo
date: Mar. 24th, 2001 10:52 am (UTC)
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i am sorry to hear you are having problems as well. from what i've read of the comments i agree with kathy that there must have been a reason you started the relationship with her, is it a reason enough to give the relationship the efforts that relationships take.
from reading her response to you she seems aware that she is not up to par for what you want her to be, but i think she knows she cannot easily become what you are looking for in her as well. that goes back to how much of a problem is that?
i agree it was wrong for her to be avoiding your conversation in the manner she did when if she wasn't prepared to talk yet she could have just said so which is part of the maturity & respect she'll learn in time i suppose. i think you seem to be handling the problem very well, but try not to let her frustrate past a certain point. i say this because i can certainly remmeber how hard it can be to be entirely open & honest with someone especially when you are the one of less experience. if i said i would come over later and someone told me not to bother i would feel even worse & would feel the the tone of the situation was even less conducive to open communication which can already be hard enough. i guess what i am saying is if you think she is worth it try to be as understanding to her as possible (even if she doesn't deserve it & you don't deserve to have to do it) because then she might learn something from it or at the very least see an example of another person being what the other needs which is a continuem(sp?) that ahould shift back & forth anyways. whcih still comes back to kathy's first point what is it about her that started everything & does it make it worth the effort?
*hugs* you're good at taking care of you i trust you'll do what is right for you.

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