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Dec. 5th, 2000 | 05:38 pm

i think it has just been one of those weeks... months... years... whatever.

one of my close friends likes me as more than a friend, and at one point... the same was true for me towards her. these two points arent coinciding though. i realized that we were too different to work out as a couple and that the best thing was for us to just be friends.

she however, still wants (or at least wanted) to be with me. inadvertantly, she caused me much grief over it. always dropping hints and saying things like "im just not good enough for you"... which bothered me. i don't know if she knew it bothered me, but nevertheless... she did it, over and over again. perhaps it was a guilt trip, i don't know... and frankly... i don't care what her reasoning was.

she was always acting depressed about the fact that i didnt think her and i would work out as a relationship and that it would ruin our friendship if we tried. however, it has ruined a good portion of our friendship anyway. her actions, responses, guilt trips... and my actions as well... all put strain on our friendship.

over the past months and weeks, things have been getting progressively worse. now, we barely talk.. and when we do, its seemingly always a guilt trip from her in one way or another.

i can't help the fact that i think of her as a friend, and not as someone that i want a relationship with. i know she knows this, but it doesnt seem like she accepts it. i know that she will read this.. and because of that, i am not really wanting to type it here. however, this is my journal, my outlet, and i have to remember that.

this post is for me.

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