just two things

If you could have only two things... what would they be?

Great Sex?
Great food?
Good health?

The list goes on and on. You pick, what would you have?

The joys of medicine....

So, being that I've been gone for what seems like ages, none of you really know what has went on. Here are some crib notes:

May 9, 2007 my father was killed in a motorcycle accident. Tragic, unexpected, and all-around devastating to myself and my family. I was made executor of the estate, and continue to heft that weight on my shoulders... as there was and still is a lot to take care of.

Towards the end of November, having worn down my body between work, the estate, and the traveling back and forth I took an extreme turn for the worse and ended up in the hospital. It was an extremely scary experience... and the consequences of which I will continue to face for the rest of my life. The resulting diagnosis... an auto-immune disease that I will get to fight for the rest of my life.

Which brings me to medication. Scary stuff. There are the standard things like antibiotics, pain relievers, etc. Those are nothing to worry about. Immune system suppressant drugs like what I am on, are flat out scary. So many severe side effects and possibilities of death... ick.

Medicine is supposed to be better than the sickness, but with drugs like these... it's arguable. Nevertheless, I drudge on... pill after pill.

I am about to go on "vacation", which is really a chunk of free time to work on estate stuff. There will be some time for fun, and I get to see my family which is always a good thing. Other than that though, a bunch of hard work,

One day at a time...

May 9, 2007

there are words that I cannot speak
simply the sound of which will make me weep
there are moments I cannot close my eyes
the darkness of which haunts like my demise

I don't know what will make it go away
the pain runs deep in my veins
my father is gone.
taken away.

a momentary lack of concentration,
that's what they say.
off the road he went
and god took him away

today is fathers day
a day filled with dismay
my father is not here
but I hope he can hear what I have to say

you mean everything to me
you are my drive
you are my life
you are my heart
and you always will be.

I love you
and I know you love me.

long hiatus

First off, let me apologize to everyone... it's been quite a while since my last post, but I might as well get back into posting again. No reason not to. :)

Drop me a comment if you still read my journal... I'll be posting again soon.

(no subject)

always changing
like natures glass
your eyes astound me
and make my heart beat fast

hours on end
faces lit with smiles
we laughed for each other
enough to stack taller than a mile

taking a chance
some food we had
hours spent
nothing ever bad

each moment more
i count the days
soon again
i will catch your gaze

a single message
just to brighten the day
a thought of you
always coming my way

i pray out loud
that it isn't too good to be true
that you were meant for me
and i was meant for you

(no subject)

give me breath
you've taken mine away
but not in the way you may think

swallow your pride
we are all the same

it is okay
you can be just that
no need for more
not just yet

does it scare you?
to be that way
to not stand out

scream out loud
you may be heard

i guess not.

random question

if someone asked you to have sex with them for money, how much would it take for you to say yes?

for arguments sake, let's assume the person is not ugly and has a clean bill of health.

how much would it take? be honest.

personality profile


Trait         Range         Trait
  Introverted     Extraverted  
  Candid     Considerate  
  Impulsive     Cautious  
  Excitable     Relaxed  
  Practical     Imaginative  
  Concrete     Abstract  


Your Social Boldness: Introverted VS Extraverted
You are slightly introverted. Do you ever say to people, "I'm really an introvert" and then they look at you funny? That's because you can be both Extraverted and introverted, but in social situations people see you as an Extravert. Your enthusiastic and self-confident personality, plus your ease at talking to strangers gives the appearance that you are outgoing, even though you may attribute it to just being a friendly person. You find yourself at the center of attention, even though you may not actively seek that position. You are such a warm person that people like to follow you. Which is good, since you have no problem accepting your role as a leader when it is given to you. With your ability to flow easily from shy to outgoing, you may tend to easily flow from exciting adventures to relaxing times at home. This makes you a fun person to be around, because you do not always have to be on the go, yet you know there is more to life than reading and watching TV.
Your Agreeableness: Candid VS Considerate
You are quite considerate. You are a popular person, aren't you? Of course you are. You truly value harmony in dealing with others. People recognize your friendly, generous, and helpful personality. Your easy-going, agreeable nature makes you such a joy to be around. This is especially true in meetings or general conversations. The topic may become heated, but you are considerate of other's feelings and you will find a happy medium in order to placate those around you. This is because you have an optimistic view of human nature and you realize that if you trust people with their decisions that they are not trying to hurt you or take advantage of you. This special and rare quality is also seen in your altruism. You enjoy helping others. To you it is not a sacrifice; to you it is fulfilling to help others in need.
Your Self-Control: Impulsive VS Cautious
You are very impulsive. You are an independent thinker. You do not need a book of rules to tell you how to behave - you know inside what is right and what is wrong and you act accordingly. You are able to live life spontaneously, because you are able to make decisions without endless deliberation. In fact, when you and another person are making a decision, you are able to reach a solution fairly quickly while the other person has to cautiously plan every step. Eventually, they will agree with you, which is frustrating when your first impulse is usually the correct one in the decision-making process. You tend to be a little more casual, and you do not feel out of sorts when your home or office is not perfectly neat. In general, your life is pleasurable - you know how to have fun and will never be accused of being staid or stuffy.
Your Anxiety Level: Excitable VS Relaxed
You are moderately excitable. In trying situations, you feel somewhat stressed and frustrated. At times you are able to overcome these feelings, but other times you feel overwhelmed. This could run the gamut of just being in a bad mood to experiencing anxiety, anger, or depression. In general, you prefer a stress-free existence, so that the possibility of negative emotions would not be a factor. You tend to be somewhat self-conscious in social situations, and are worried that people may judge or criticize you. You may react emotionally to people or circumstances that you find threatening, because you want to protect yourself. Every so often you cave into urges or cravings. Sometimes you feel a little guilty about it, other times you are just fine with your fun streak.
Your Openness to Change: Practical VS Imaginative
You are slightly practical. It is apparent to those who meet you that you are well educated. You are able to speak on a complex level to one audience, but adjust to a more basic level for another. You are bright and capable of thinking logically. On one hand you are down-to-earth and traditional, while on the other hand you are creative and imaginative. Sometimes you feel more comfortable with familiarity and routine in your life, other times new and novel experiences are more enjoyable. You are not afraid to try new things. You tend to like to do a variety of different activities, so you do not grow bored.
The way you Think/Reason: Concrete VS Abstract
You are very abstract in your thinking. You tend to be quick to grasp ideas, are a fast learner and intelligent. You possess a hallmark of intelligence that potentially separates human beings from earlier life forms, the ability to think about future
consequences before acting on an impulse. Your reasoning activity involves contemplation of long-range goals, organizing and planning routes to these goals, and persisting toward one's goals in the face of short-lived impulses to the contrary. You also have keen interests in intellectual matters and love to play with ideas and think theoretically. You tend to be open-minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. You often enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brainteasers.


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Well, here you go: Flyakite OSX 3 or go check out a review.

Worth checking out even if you aren't interested in using it. It obviously still has some issues, but it is pretty damn cool from a project aspect.