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Sep. 29th, 2003 | 12:14 am

i have always told her in the past that there are things that i wanted to change. things that i wanted to make better, and while i would try, it was hard to show that they have changed.

now, i am trying to improve myself so that not only can i say there is a difference, but that i can show it as well. mentally, physically, and emotionally.

i want things to not only be perfect, but stay perfect. while i know that i can never attain any sort of perfection, i want to be perfect for us... not just me and not just her.

i want to be what i have always told her i wanted to be for her. even if she doesnt want me back. i need to do it.

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Comments {8}

Smoke Damage

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from: smokedamage
date: Sep. 28th, 2003 10:30 pm (UTC)
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do it for you.

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Tim

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from: visions
date: Sep. 29th, 2003 12:11 am (UTC)
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i am doing it for me, but i am also doing it because i want to do it.. both for her and for me.

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Smoke Damage

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from: smokedamage
date: Sep. 29th, 2003 04:55 am (UTC)
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that'll do, mate!

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Nikki

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from: nikkiw
date: Sep. 29th, 2003 10:00 am (UTC)
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Just make sure not to loose sight of yourself Tim. Changing for the better can be a good thing, as long as those changes still encompass who you are. Don't change the person that you are for ANYONE. You're definitely too good for that.

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from: ex_firebombe54
date: Sep. 29th, 2003 12:32 pm (UTC)
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I know you don't know me and I don't know you, but I just wanted to share my experience. Love hurts. Period. Whether it was meant to be or not, it will hurt when the one you love leaves you. I've been in exactly the same situation as you were, but trust me, life does find a way. You will pick up the pieces and find happiness again. It's been over a year since my breakup with the one I truly loved, and even though I may never feel the same love with anyone else, I did learn to move on. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and that is a very true saying. I'm much more stronger than I was before due to that experience. It will hurt, you will cry, you will hate yourself, but you will pull through. Grief is a natural process, what you are going through. You may have loved her, but she doesn't seem to appreciate your love, and you don't need someone like that. No one is ever perfect and no one will ever be. You should not change yourself for someone else. They should accept you for who you are, not for what they want you to be.

I hoped my little advice helped some. Just remember this: you are not the only person who has or will go through this. A lot of people do have their hearts broken, like I have. But time will heal the wounds, you will one day realize she isn't worth your grief any longer. It's her loss. She will realize one day what she lost: remember, you don't know what you have until you lose it. She will realize it and it will be too later for her.

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Tim

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from: visions
date: Sep. 29th, 2003 05:41 pm (UTC)
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we said our final goodbyes and while things may change in the future, i just hope that she finds happiness and that she makes it through this okay.

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Cris

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from: undecisiveone
date: Sep. 29th, 2003 02:54 pm (UTC)
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Do what you have to do.. But make sure that you dont take it to far .. and dont loose sight of the person that you are ..

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greetings

from: auntie_cuffs
date: Oct. 1st, 2003 12:10 am (UTC)
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I know you don't know me, but from reading your journal I just want you to know I empathize with you. You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself, you said all the things I wanted to say 5 years ago and just couldn't find the words. I was in much the same boat 5 years ago. And somehow I found a light to lead me out of the darkness. And so I offer you these words of advice: don't despair, you too will find your way. Give yourself time to grieve, it may take years but eventually the pain will change and god willing you will find that special someone to fill the gaping hole in your heart. It may be Erika, it may be someone new. Don't close yourself off to the possibilities all around you. I applaud you for taking the initiative to make changes in your life. It may be just the catalyst you need.

I wish you all the best with what the future may bring. I am living proof that life does go on, that the pain will lessen (but never leave completely), and that it is possible to love again.

Hugs to you,
Dana

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