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Sep. 26th, 2003 | 01:36 am

i have spent my entire life striving to make things better for myself and for others. i have went that extra mile so many times before. sadly, it has been too many times. i don't have the energy anymore. i don't have the strength.

i have shed so many tears throughout my life. i have overcome so many things and i am so tired. i can't take any more.

those of you that know me well, know that i have always been a fighter. i have always survived no matter what. those of you that know me like that, know i never give up.

you don't know me anymore.

tonight, i have given up. i sit here in hysterical tears. fighting so many urges. i sit here trying to fight. i can't anymore. i don't have any more in me. i am sorry to have let you all down. i am sorry that i am not who i once was.

everything that i have ever wanted in life can be summed up in one word. happiness. everything that i am, everything that i had.. i would trade 10 times over.

i don't want anything anymore.

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Smoke Damage

(no subject)

from: smokedamage
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 12:00 am (UTC)
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tactical retreat only.

do not give up, there's too few of us left.

failure is only complete when you quit. Don't do it.

courage and strength.

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 07:50 am (UTC)
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and sometimes you just can't succeed.

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Smoke Damage

(no subject)

from: smokedamage
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 12:07 am (UTC)
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read this - and know you're not alone.

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(Deleted comment)

Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 07:52 am (UTC)
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i don't believe it anymore. i don't feel i have that strength anymore. not now.

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lolsmite

(no subject)

from: scarreddreamer
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 01:59 am (UTC)
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-wonders what's going on- I hope everything's ok with you. [hugs]

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 07:52 am (UTC)
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things are definitely not okay.

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(no subject)

from: misslizz
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 02:50 am (UTC)
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Dude,

feel free to email me, because I would like to talk to you about this more.
misslizz@mentalpopcorn.com

A search for happiness is always going to end in despair... but a search for peace and acceptance is the best fought battle at the end of the day.

No one is infallible, no one is superhuman... don't be so hard on yourself, because you are allowed to break every once in a while. This is the time when those you have been strong for can repay the debt and be your strength.

You need the break to recuperate.

You are in the hearts and minds of many who know you well and those who are yet to know you, such as myself.

Here for you if you feel the need to talk further.

Liz x

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 07:52 am (UTC)
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it wasn't a search. it was taken away.

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Cris

(no subject)

from: undecisiveone
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 03:39 am (UTC)
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I'm still not exactly sure what this relates to. perhaps love or something of the sort..

your not alone, sweetie.. in this quest for happiness that you are looking for.. beleive me, you are definatley not alone. I'm here if you need me. (You have er had my screen name.. Dreamlolli138) And hell if you wanna talk to me that bad, I'll give you my cell number. lol. Anyways, I'm here.

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 07:53 am (UTC)
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love.

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Keila

(no subject)

from: shoegirl2219
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 08:22 am (UTC)
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I know you don't know me - but I think lately I'm feeling just as miserable as you - maybe we can help each other out. Email me sometime if you'd like: shoegirl2219@yahoo.com
Having another friend around couldn't hurt, at least I think so anyways.
-Keila

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 10:10 am (UTC)
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i am afraid that i am not good company.

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(no subject)

from: spydrwomn
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 08:32 am (UTC)
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don't know U but I am sure that if you are at the end of it. After you fall there is only one way & that is up. look at it that way. When you fall down it is only natural to get back up. Such as life if it lets you down, be weary but make it better next time.

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 10:12 am (UTC)
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how can you make something better if you dont know what made it bad?

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My plastic hair is furious!

(no subject)

from: koritsimou
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 08:40 am (UTC)
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I don't know how to make it better for you but I desperately want to. Your pain is so tangible. I am here if you ever want to vent to a stranger.

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 10:14 am (UTC)
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what would i say? that i am hopelessly in love with someone that doesn't want to be with me anymore? that i gave her everything i was as a person... and it still wasn't enough? that i would never be enough? that i will never be with her again? that she doesn't even want to be friends? that she is going on like nothing changed, like there wasn't a care in the world?

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783

Find that self we all love. . .

from: aem783
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 08:59 am (UTC)
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Happiness is a goal that everyone strives to achieve. We can paint our faces with fake smiles. but the truth is, happiness is near impossible.

I'm not happy, ever. for as long as i can remember.

people have hurt me. people have robbed me of love during my darkest moments. and i haven't moved on yet. but i never have stopped the process of moving yet. there's still hope. there has to be hope. . .

the fact of the matter is: please don't give up. there are other people here who need you. most of all you need yourself.

go away. take a vacation.

find that self we all love; that self who writes unbelievably clear thought sometimes vague; that self, who for all those years, never gave up; that self who was and still is a fighter.

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Tim

Re: Find that self we all love. . .

from: visions
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 10:16 am (UTC)
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but the one that i want, doesnt need me, doesnt want me, and isnt with me.

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The Fearless Leader

(no subject)

from: dieselhead
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 09:16 am (UTC)
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I know we haven't talked in a long while, but hang in there. Life sucks most of the time and there is nothing anyone can do about it, other then make the most of the situations that are handed to us. Don't give up, things will get better.

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 10:18 am (UTC)
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things like this never get better, people just let it go and try to move past it.

i dont want to let go.

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Jocelyne Elizabeth

i don't want anything anymore....

from: shedevra
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 10:51 am (UTC)
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Greetings Tim, this is my first time to livejournal, it was sent to me by a very dear friend, and in the process of learning about this program, i was told that i needed a "client" and so for some reason i chose "visions". May i introduce myself?..*giggles as this is onesided conversation so forgive me i'll just carry on. My name is Jocelyne Elizabeth and i am someone who firmly believes in fate and thus for everything there is a time place and purpose although we don't always know what it is at the time. After reading this page in Your journal, when I read this page however, I feel so much pain and unhappiness that it literally made my heart ache.If i could reach across the miles and wrap my arms around you at this moment I most certainly would. If there is anything that I can do or help by sharing, please...send a note..an email..please don't give up, come and rest, let me lift you up on my wings and give you peace..even if it is but just for a moment in time. Love, Laughter and Happiness is just around the corner....

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Tim

Re: i don't want anything anymore....

from: visions
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 12:32 pm (UTC)
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i am sorry i made you hurt with my pain. i would take it back if i could.

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Rennie Poo

(no subject)

from: psyche212
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 05:49 pm (UTC)
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don't really know u but i thought u could use one of these

*hugs*

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 06:50 pm (UTC)
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thanks.

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lost&found

(no subject)

from: imperfect_gurl
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 06:00 pm (UTC)
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:(

i'm sorry tim.

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 06:51 pm (UTC)
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i wish i could describe how i feel. the only thing that i have though, is a tear filled face of pain and regret.

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Don't give up... - (Anonymous) - Expand

abstrusely wholesome

(no subject)

from: swandiverli
date: Sep. 26th, 2003 07:52 pm (UTC)
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I feel so much the same.

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