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Jun. 5th, 2002 | 05:52 pm

the end of a saga. the end of it all.

"i don't want to be responsible for you getting worse. i don't want to know that i am hurting you. so, i don't want us to talk again."

from wanting to date me, to pushing me out of her life again.

how grand.

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Comments {14}

(no subject)

from: hummingbird1172
date: Jun. 5th, 2002 04:11 pm (UTC)
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i know you are hurting. but sometimes you just have to let go. she will relize one of these days that she made a huge mistake by not wanting to get back with you! i read that you said you dont have enough time because you are dying!!! may i ask what are you dying of? i have been reading your journal for some time now and you seem like the kind of guy every girl would want in a guy, but when they have someone like that they dont relize it till its too late! i hope she will relize it soon. take care

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Jun. 5th, 2002 04:44 pm (UTC)
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i have a heart condition as a result of some chemicals i was exposed to. that is one of the things that is killing me.

as for me, beth had said on several occassions that i was "everything she could ever want in a guy, and more" but that she "isn't ready for that in her life."

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world leader pretend

You truly are better off...

from: sean
date: Jun. 5th, 2002 04:15 pm (UTC)
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This just shows more that she's not deserving of a guy like you, whether you think she is or not. You most likely think she more than deserves you, you're wondering if you deserve her. You don't deserve the pain she put you through. To the outside observer, things are always much clearer, though, I suppose.

"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple." - Oscar Wilde

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Tim

Re: You truly are better off...

from: visions
date: Jun. 5th, 2002 04:46 pm (UTC)
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no, i know that i deserve better than her. the problem was/is that i just wanted her.

as for what she deserves, i treated her too well i guess. it scared her that someone actually truly cared for her and wasnt just there to fuck her, use her, abuse her, and generally fuck up her life.

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world leader pretend

Re: You truly are better off...

from: sean
date: Jun. 5th, 2002 05:40 pm (UTC)
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Yes. For some reason the psyche of women these days is to be generally surprised when anyone acutally cares, no strings attached. It scares them more than anything, they can't handle it..so they just let go. I have yet to figure out the reason for this. But when I do, there will be many happier people.

Of course, I have no skills in this field so i'll have to leave it up to someone with experience.

Sorry, just trying to lighten up the mood a little bit..not much you can do though.

Sounds like this could be a posterchild for those "You need a Mike's Hard Lemonade!" commercials.

I read a short story once with the theme "a joy that kills". It's not the joy that kills, but the eventual absence of it that does. You have to try to be bulletproof, and not let joy be absent from your life entirely.

Just some rambling thoughts..

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No one

(no subject)

from: theperfectgirl
date: Jun. 5th, 2002 06:38 pm (UTC)
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*shakes head* oh how i know your pain too too well.

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Jun. 5th, 2002 06:53 pm (UTC)
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i wish that wasnt true. it is a shitty pain.

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Sometimes the End is Better...

from: gusgus81
date: Jun. 5th, 2002 07:27 pm (UTC)
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at least now you know where the two of you stand. it hurts like hell, and i'm sure that's a pain that will never go away, but it's time now to move on. if you truley are dying then why would you want to spend what little time you have left waiting for some girl to come back? i'm not trying to be mean, i'm just trying to get a better view of things. does she know that you are sick? because if she does then that could explain a few things. sometimes when people find out that someone they love is going to die they push them away in an attempt to keep from hurting as much when that other person finally leaves, maybe that's what she's doing? however, i don't think it's right that she keeps playing you the way she has. it's not right for her to treat you, or anyone else in that manner. no one deserves that type of treatment, regardless of the circumstances. please try to take care of yourself, and don't let this get you down. life is too short, and way too precious for you to keep wasting it on a dream. go live your life, no matter how much time you have left, you seem to be a very wonderful and caring person, talented as well, i would hate to see that all go to waste.

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My plastic hair is furious!

Re: Sometimes the End is Better...

from: koritsimou
date: Jun. 5th, 2002 09:08 pm (UTC)
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I'm sorry, but the above was trite and cliche and all around bullshit. Like writing all that's gonna make you suddenly feel better. I'm not qualified to tell you how to feel better, or when you're allowed to, or how to spend your life. But if you want to email me and bitch, or ramble, or cry on paper, then go ahead. iguanamaria@hotmail.com

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(no subject)

from: powerviolence
date: Jun. 6th, 2002 01:33 am (UTC)
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Fuck dude. That's rough.

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(no subject)

from: udp
date: Jun. 6th, 2002 03:33 am (UTC)
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What an inconsiderate bitch. You should have given her a dose of the good old firewall my friend. I suggest reading 'Pimp' by Iceberg Slim for advice on how to freeze women out and exercise emotional detachment when necessary. It is a distasteful thing to have to do but you have to recognise some people are not on the same emotional plane as you. Breaking down their communication is an essential skill. Don't get taken for a ride. Real love is out there. Thank her for the experience, and move on.

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udp better recognize

from: rkl
date: Jun. 7th, 2002 02:17 pm (UTC)
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pimpin ain't easy, but it's necessary.

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the septenary

(no subject)

from: diapholom
date: Jun. 6th, 2002 04:29 am (UTC)
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hmm you know if i'm a girl,
you actually strike me as a little stuffy and boring
i believe that she was just being kind when she says stuff to you
i'm not sure but that's how i read it in between the lines
now i'm sorry, i was just speaking my mind
you can't have it all or maybe you can if you try hard enough
not that i'm discouraging you, i'm actually encouraging you~

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Gohei

intensions

from: gohei
date: Jun. 21st, 2002 08:17 pm (UTC)
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my first long term girlfriend, and of 5 1/2 years left me, again...ever since we've been seeing one another...she's
left me several times over. She left me about a month ago, to go live with a college friend of her's in NY

They're probably dating now or something. I was guilty that I loved her too hard. Pulled her too hard and asked her to stay and don't leave me again, but she did. I still love and miss her as much as I always have when we weren't together.

Our relationship was also spiritual and tantric. Then as the years progressed, we became "friends" and wasn't working.
Her passions weened, and the worst of us started coming out.

Depression, resentment, anger, etc.

I empathize with your situation very much. I still wake up feeling shock and trauma for not having her energy around anymore. Now, it feels like she's dead too. I don't she'd ever come back to me again. It's always been a back and forth with her. I wonder if it's our signs.

I don't believe in such things per se, but she was a cancer. I am a Libra. The signs state specifically that they're not compatible. It's a shame. Most water sign girl's I've met, really make an impression on me.

She pulled every psychic cord we shared together back to her. I can't feel her anymore. It seems to never have existed.
Does it? Yet the memory of another awareness lingers.

Most of the issues I think where with her, and she wanted to do something else with herself than have a reality and awareness of "us". It's a simple feeling that can easily pull you away from someone, when your mind starts to dominate the heart. It also doesn't help that someone in NY has been pulling on her heart cord since he met her at college.

He's a LEO. I checked the signs. They're more than likely doomed as well. At least I can say, I am not all to blame.
Can you afford yourself any peace? It's been really hard for me to find any. I "do" in little doses.

Of your illness, I'm sorry. I know the extra emotional baggage on the heart charkras hurts even more. I've felt that way since "my other half" left. I still want her. Though life would hurt just as strongly with or without her.

Look into something called chi kung. It can do wonders for the heart and soul.

I'll even go ahead and add you to my friends list.

Take care, though I don't know you at all. A prayer, sir.
For humanity and us all!

Music:Clock DVA-Pool of Shades

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