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Mar. 20th, 2002 | 02:39 am

i think i am depressed. when i was driving home tonight... i found myself speeding a little more than normal and visualizing what it would be like if i just didnt stop at the stop signs and just kept going.

i wondered if there would be a car there... wondered if my car would make it through without hitting anyone. i wondered if it would flip my car if i was hit, wondered if i would die. i havent had thoughts like that in a long long time. nothing seemed to cause it this time though :-\

i dont think i am happy with my life right now. i feel like there is something missing. i just wish i knew what.

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Comments {14}

jaded

(no subject)

from: flown
date: Mar. 20th, 2002 12:42 am (UTC)
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i did the EXACT same thing a little while ago. i was driving down the street and just thought about not stopping and wondering what would happen if i didn't. of course, i stopped, and checked to see if any cars were there in the hypothetical situation that if i DIDN'T...if i would have been hit. then there was the thing with the center dividers on the freeway...and wondering how badly it would hurt if i just spun my wheel and went straight for it going 85mph...

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Mar. 20th, 2002 01:07 am (UTC)
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i stopped as well, because i have a strong grip on reality and know that not stopping would more so endager others than it would myself.

i am already dying anyway.

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try and make a list...

from: scientaestubiqu
date: Mar. 20th, 2002 12:49 am (UTC)
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what you like... and what you don't...

if you can't make much of a list of what you like, try working on that stuff :o)

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Tim

Re: try and make a list...

from: visions
date: Mar. 20th, 2002 01:05 am (UTC)
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that is an old psychiatric "task". its pretty worthless. 99% of the people out there are pessimistic. most of the time, i am definitely not that. i am actually a very optimistic person.

but, i shall humor you.

like:
my house
my cat
my work
my friends
my goals and ambitions
my truck and the work that i have put into it

dislike:
the fact that i have a ton of "friends" but very few that truly understand me


got another hoop for me to jump through?

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Tim

Re: try and make a list...

from: visions
date: Mar. 20th, 2002 01:15 am (UTC)
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i apologize that the previous comment came out rude. i just finished a tirade to a friend about how much bullshit psychiatrists go through to "get to the problem" and how all the steps they take and paths that they travel down are nearly identical and never differ from one psychiatrist to the next.

being very psychologically adept, their methods bore me... and their analysis is often very far off. phd's mean squat to me unless they know you are a person, truly treat you like a person and not just a client that gves them a paycheck. find a shrink that does that, and also knows what the hell they are doing.. and you are golden. mumford comes to mind... too bad he didnt know what he was doing.

shrinks often hear, but rarely listen.

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Re: try and make a list...

from: scientaestubiqu
date: Mar. 20th, 2002 02:47 am (UTC)
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I understand what you mean...

I only said it because you said you didn't know what was missing... and most people do, if they think about it...

and you clearly do...

but it's not easy to meet kinspirits...

some friends just understand you at a deeper level than others...

I've probably only met two people in my life that I can truely call kindred spirits... and one has left this world...

but I have a few friends who put a lot into our friendship also... some of them don't understand me as well as others, but it's not always for lack of trying...

if you're looking for practical solutions... you've got a few options, improve the friends you've got, meet new people and make new friends...

or just leave it as it is... which doesn't sound so appealing...

I wish you luck, whatever you choose :o)

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Lee Vaughn

(no subject)

from: yngmanch
date: Mar. 20th, 2002 01:03 am (UTC)
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Trust me, flipping the car isn't the answer... I did that once and OMG did it hurt!

Besides, if anything, you've got a hell of a lot going for you in life... (i.e you're not me!) so cheer up... this too shall pass.

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Tim

(no subject)

from: visions
date: Mar. 20th, 2002 01:09 am (UTC)
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i have rolled a truck before with a nice 10 foot dropoff. i have experienced far more pain than that. being shot is definitely above it. as is cracking a vertebrae.

rolling around in a cab at 60 mph... is a cake walk.

regardless though, no matter how much success one has in their life, there are always aspects that are missing. as i said a moment ago, i just wish i knew what it was.

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Lee Vaughn

Re:

from: yngmanch
date: Mar. 20th, 2002 01:26 am (UTC)
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hmmm... getting shot!!? cracking a vertabre... hmmm... you are a very dymnamic person after all... and here I thought flipping down a hill and into some poor couples house was the end all! Anyhow, if you feel something is missing in your life... and it isn't someone that is painfully obvious, my suggestion is to take a nice long warm bath... scented candles, classical music and let your mind drift for an hour or so... seems to work for my patients... and myself... when trying to deduce a problem so close to home.

-Lee

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Cee

(no subject)

from: alongcameaspydr
date: Mar. 20th, 2002 01:33 am (UTC)
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poppycock!

that's about all i really have to say.

poppycock!

-charlize

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Vortex

I know what it is...

from: vortex
date: Mar. 20th, 2002 01:38 am (UTC)
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Dancing!

You need to go out dancing. Some High energy club where you can just dance and be yourself and just let the music you. That's what I did way back when...I was driving down a road and almost just turned the wheel into oncoming traffic.

Rollerblading!

I started that a few years ago. Getting outdoors alone or with friends, breathing in the fresh air, enjoying the scenery and putting in some exercise time to boot.

What you need is adventure. You are like me in that way when life becomes hum-drum, you get bored, reclusive and..well, depressed. A little Spontinaety will keep your mind fresh and moving along. Do something at the spur of the moment. Don't schedule it, think of something and go do it. It can be small (walking a different route to the job) or large (getting a group together to go whitewater rafting or skiing).

I've said it before, Nike had it right when they said "Just Do It!".

Just Do It!...

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helena.

(no subject)

from: tootsie_roll
date: Mar. 20th, 2002 05:49 am (UTC)
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i do the same thing ... except i just stare at the road, not paying full attention to what i'm doing. not a good way to drive.

i've been having a hard time, too. it's too many things to list. but i know they're there.

take care, tim.

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jenne

(no subject)

from: hellloitslate
date: Mar. 20th, 2002 10:39 am (UTC)
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it seems like when we least expect it; thoughts like those seem to sneak in and make us wonder..

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The Kicker

(no subject)

from: gotime
date: Mar. 25th, 2002 09:30 pm (UTC)
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Well, I used to think like that quite a bit. And I must admit sometimes I still start to go down that way of thought. Once you go down it a few times, it gets old. You start to nip those thoughts in the bud before they get serious. And yeah, other people could get hurt if you actually did something. I know what you mean about friends not quite getting it...

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